Predict Idol

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Since Season 7 ended, are you at a loss what to do? Do you miss your twice-weekly dose of botched lyrics and pitchiness, conflicting judging, annoying “mosh-pit” swaying, and in-your-face advertising? No, us either

Okay, so we lie. A true Idol fan misses it in spite of all the above. From May to January, what are we to do? Watch other TV shows? (There are other TV shows?)

In the meantime, if you’d like to pick up some contestant memorabilia, please visit our American Idol store and check out the hundreds of Idol-related items available, including photos, apparel, tickets, and much more.

(aired 5/21/08)

Bunny: Wow. We’re finally here at the finale at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles. Ryan reveals that one David got 56% of the votes, the other 44%. That’s a fairly close race, but I expected it to be even closer.

Mikalah Gordon and Matt Rogers report from the Davids’ hometowns, surrounded by fans damaging their vocal cords to an alarming degree.

The whiteclad top 12 plus dancers from that other show take the stage, singing “Get Ready.” And David Hernandez tosses Ramiele Malubay over his shoulder in a crazy dance move … oops, never mind, those were SYTYCD dancers. My bad. It’s a pretty high-energy performance.

It’s very interesting to hear the Davids sing together on “Hero” by Chad Kroeger. They actually sound really good as a duet. I’m liking it.

We see a clip of the two visiting Mike Myers as the Guru Pitka from the new movie “The Love Guru.” He gives them “spiritual” advice, telling Cookie to shave, and warning Archie that one day he will need to. It was kinda funny, in a forced kinda way. Then the Love Guru comes to the Nokia stage to predict that the winner will be named … David. Ba dum bum. We haven’t heard that prediction at all over the past week.

Ryan almost scoots off the stage on a self-propelled guru pillow thingy. That was amusing.

Seal joins Sy“LookAtMeImSinginWithSEAL”esha on stage with “Waiting For You.”

Jason Castro sings “Hallelujah” for us again, which is awesome except that at one point he gets quite a bit ahead of the music. Still, it was a special Season 7 moment, and I’m glad they did it again.

There’s a montage of clips from previous Ford music videos. The song is “Let The Good Times Roll.”

Ryan presents the Davids with keys to their new Ford Escape hybrids, after being reassured by Adolescent David that he does indeed have a license.

Now the top 6 girls are singing Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For the Money.” Amanda looks ticked, but then, she always did. Donna the Disco Diva herself then appears with a bevy of break dancers and does a couple of her other songs. Is it still called break dancing? I’m not up with the terminology these days. Donna then performs “Last Dance” with Sy“LookAtMeImSinginWithDonnaSUMMER”esha.

Ryan tries his hand at this newfangled dancing. I will say this: He sure isn’t afraid to look foolish. Strangely enough, I have even more respect for him now. Way to strut your stuff, Ryan Seafoam!

Carly Smithson and Michael Johns are up next. It’s nice to see them in the spotlight again, but Carly’s voice sounds a bit strident. I think I really like her lower register better. Am I being too negative?

Jimmy Kimmel is here and he fires off a Sanjaya joke, followed quickly by sniping at Ryan, Chris Sligh, Paula, Simon, and then he introduces a montage of Simon’s various insults set to music.

It’s the top 6 guys’ turn. The four non-finalists come out to “Summer of ’69,” giving way to the Davids with “Heaven,” which, despite being an apparently much hated Bryan Adams song, was a muy popular choice during Hollywood week this year.

And yes, Bryan himself is here singing “I Thought I’d Seen Everything” and “Somebody.” Does he look like a cross between Glenn Frey and Lloyd Christmas to anyone else?

David Cook and ZZ Top take the stage with “Sharp Dressed Man.” Compared to them, the Cook’s face is as clean as a baby’s bottom. It’s an awesome performance.

We check in with Mikalah in Kansas City. She is infinitely more annoying than Kimberly Caldwell. She interviews David C.’s music teacher, if you can call that an interview.

And then we move on to Brooke White harmonizing with Graham Nash on “Teach Your Children.” They’re both strummin’ and singin’. I know there will be viewers hatin’ on the downhome folksy stuff, but it’s a needed respite from the louder, up-tempo numbers.

David Cook has done a Guitar Hero commercial, impersonating Tom Cruise from “Risky Business”! Cute.

Next up are a group who I can only assume are the Jonas Brothers. I don’t have teenagers, so I’ve never seen them before that I can recall. Sanjaya Malakar and Archie should be up there with them. Wait a minute—I’m not entirely sure that that isn’t them.

Then, just in case we were in any doubt that the right people did get through to the top 12, we see a clip of some of the more memorable (in a bad way) auditions, which serves as an introduction to Reynaldo Lapuz with a reprise of “I Am Your Brother.” The USC marching band joins him onstage. They must have been hoping the tubas would drown him out. It almost works.

OneRepublic performs “Apologize.” Love it. Archie comes out starting at the second verse. This is the kind of song he should have been singing all along. He has forgotten Andrew Lloyd Webber’s advice, and only opens his eyes at the end.

Cut to Matthew Rogers in Salt Lake City, who busts the eardrums of both of David A.’s grandpas in an effort to find out which side of the family his talent came from.

Jordin Sparks sings “One Step At A Time.” There’s not a lot of love for her dress in this household, but she looks great from the neck up and sounds great as usual. She must be off vocal rest?

There’s an old Gladys Knight performance with the “Pips,” who consist of Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. Now that was funny. Whoo-whoo!

ACM female vocalist of the year Carrie Underwood appears and sings “Last Name.” I don’t love the song, but she kills it. She has become a consummate professional in three short years.

I can hardly believe my eyes. This time Archie is doing the Guitar Hero commercial with his Fisher-Price guitar. It’s cute, too, but not believable.

The top 12 are up one more time before the results, singing a George Michael medley. I just realized that Kristy Lee Cook resembles Jenna Bush. The guys look sharp-sharp-sharp! Jason’s in a suit and tie! Pass the smelling salts, please. It’s the best group performance of the year.

Who’s the George Michael impersonator singing “Praying For Time”? Oh, it’s George Michael. This is the most bizarre part of the evening. I would have rather heard Carrie singing it again.

There are only a few minutes left. Randy “Colonel Sanders/Sergeant Pepper” Jackson and the other two yahoos give their final thoughts on the two left standing. Paula is coherent, and Simon actually apologizes for being almost disrespectful to David Cook last night. The envelope is conveyed to Ryan, and the results are finally read. I’m okay with either possible outcome, but I’m hoping …

The winner by 12 million votes is …

DAVID COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Be careful, Cookie, your makeup’s gonna run. The word nerd is at a loss for words.

He sings the winning Idol coronation song, “Time of My Life.” Yes, there is a “magic rainbow” in the lyrics. Seriously, there is. Poor Cookie. But woo-hoo, Cookie!

And so David Archuleta joins Justin Guarini, Clay Aiken, Diana DeGarmo, Bo Bice, Katharine McPhee, Blake Lewis from Season 1 through 6, respectively, as a second-place American Idol finisher. Not a bad group to be in. He was a worthy competitor and I look forward to seeing what he’ll do in the future. Especially once he’s, you know, a high school graduate and everything.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about David Cook
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about David Archuleta
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 1 out of 1
Right about David Archuleta
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 1 out of 1)

Our guest commenter, K, was also correct with her prediction that David Archuleta would come in second. Good job!

FINAL SEASON 7 SCORES

Well, what have we concluded in our cats vs. humans experiment? In the final tally, Burke is declared the winner here at Predict Idol, managing to correctly predict who would go home 10 out of 23 times, for a 43% average. Bunny comes in second at 7 out of 23 (30%). The Prognosticats bring up the rear with only 5 out of 23 (22%). Obviously, prediction is not our strong suit and we should keep our day jobs.

We did slightly better with our personal American Idol predictions (those we thought should have gone home). Burke had 11 out of 23 (48%) with Burke’s Turkeys, Bunny also had 11 out of 23 (48%) with Bunny’s Bombs (ha!), and the Prognosticats again finished in last place with only 6 out of 23 (26%). Apparently, cats spend too much time sleeping and eating tuna and not enough time watching Idol.

Thanks for reading Predict Idol. It was a great first year! Check in with us in weeks to come for news about your favorite Idols past and present!

(aired 5/20/08)

Bunny: It’s finally down to the top two, and what a season it has been! Which David will bring it tonight, or will they both blow us away?

The producers are going with a totally trite, out-of-place boxing theme complete with satin robes and gloves. Toddler David is doing laps around the pool in his. Grown-up David looks only slightly less ridiculous, and they’re both probably going to look back on this moment with chagrin for the rest of their sadly now-tainted careers.

Clive “I am 117 years old and still kicking” Davis is here, of course, and he has chosen the songs for the contestants in this first round. Andrew Lloyd Webber is also seen giving his final advice to the two contendahs.

Unfortunately, guest commenters Dew Bew, ALBERT, and Wia couldn’t make it for this final week, but K is back in the house! Glad to have you, K.

ROUND 1
(Clive Davis’ choice)

David Cook

“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”
Bunny: He moved out into the audience for the first time that I can remember—but maybe I’m wrong. Wow, he has huge feet. He nailed the song, and I loved the last note. Way to start the show!

Burke: Good job on a familiar song. Nothing fantastic or earth-shattering for me.

K: I personally think he’s meant for the stage. He’s awesome.

David Archuleta

“Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me”
Bunny: Probably my favorite Elton John song. However, it doesn’t suit Archie, and the bounce move was definitely not working. There were a couple of shaky notes. I don’t know what Randy’s been imbibing, but that performance was by no means flawless. Apparently he passed his bottle of over-the-top-happy juice to the other two crackpots at the judge’s table. It was merely good, in my opinion.

Burke: Definitely the most animated he’s been all season. He even had the Fantasia “bobo” going at the end.

K: He actually got into it, which was nice. Very enthusiastic. Great.

ROUND 2
(Songwriting competition songs)

Bunny: For this round, the Davids got to choose from among ten of the entries in the songwriting competition. Hopefully they can find one without rainbows and unicorns. (The boxing commentary is extraneous and getting rather annoying, by the way.)

David Cook

“Dream Big”
Bunny: Now this is not David’s fault, but I hated the verses, liked the chorus. As for the singing, his voice sounded strained to me, but he gave a mediocre song his best effort.

Burke: Took a sappy song and made it rock. I liked it. The Cook turned up the heat.

K: I liked the song. He did okay.

David Archuleta

“In This Moment”
Bunny: It’s a true Idol-moment kind of song. Again with the phone book comment, Randy? We heard you the first 40 times! The performance was too predictable to be amazing, but he did well.

Burke: The Mickey Mouse Club balladeer strikes again. Was his daddy up all night sewing his suit? My suggestion: Drop the anchor.

K: The song was too sappy for me. Maybe he had hopes of being anchored to the stage.

Round 3
(Contestants’ Choice)

David Cook

“The World I Know”
Bunny: My first thought was that this wasn’t an important enough song to sing at this point in the American Idol competition, but as Cookie is wont to do, he made it into something special. Afterwards, he can’t hold back the tears, but he’s so genuine, it’s moving and doesn’t come across as false modesty or manufactured emotion.

Burke: Not impressed by the song choice, but I’m glad he didn’t just redo a previous song.

K: He did a different song, but he did great. He pulled it off.

David Archuleta

“Imagine”
Bunny: Will it be as good as the first time he did it? In spite of the fact that he has been widely criticized for singing every song the same way (including by yours truly), I feel more genuine emotion from him in this version. It’s impossible for him not to have grown and changed in many ways throughout this crazy Idol journey. I think he deserves kudos.

Burke: Didn’t like the song. Been there, done that. The sequel is never as good as the original. Show me something new.

K: Didn’t like it. He should have taken a step out of the box and done something better. No way.

PREDICTIONS

Bunny: Bunny’s Bomb is really hard to choose, because I awarded 9 paws in total to each of them. But overall, I feel David Archuleta is the inferior performer, even though he’s clearly got loads of talent. It’s a tough, tough call trying to guess what America’s going to do, but I’ll go with my gut and say David Cook is the one going home tomorrow.

Burke: Burke’s Turkey is David Archuleta. The Utah Jazz was just not made for the stage. I think he will lose this contest.

Prognosticats: David Archuleta had the Hairball Performance tonight, and he will go home.

K: I think David Archuleta was the worst of the night, and he will be leaving.

Bunny: Needless to say, everyone’s Top Dawg tonight was David Cook. However, we won’t know the Season 7 winner until tomorrow night. One thing is obvious: There’s no way the Prognosticats or I can match Burke’s prediction record at this point, but we’ll have the final totals tomorrow after the results show. See you then!

(aired May 14, 2008)

Hard to believe, but we’re about to find out the Season 7 top two! Fifty-six million votes came in last night to determine who will face off in next week’s finale.

The group song is “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.” It’s awkward. It’s under-rehearsed. It’s corny. It’s a normal group number.

We see the Ford music video, set to “Heaven.” It sounds really good, although the visuals aren’t as exciting as usual.

Next there’s the obligatory recap, during which we get to relive Chihuahua David’s awkward bobbing and Feverish Syesha’s cabaret. Fortunately Grown-Up David saves it, especially with the clip of “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.”

Fantasia is here to sing “Bore Me.” She gives the audience a lesson on how to clap and the contestants a lesson in showmanship. I don’t think any singing lessons are being imparted, though. Still not loving that coarsely crushed gravel screech.

Ryan calls David Archuleta to the stage. We watch a film of his trip back to Murray, Utah. There are cheerleaders, interviews, tears, and lots of screaming. Even more than during Fantasia’s performance. Don’t cry, Gaspy, don’t cry. Gosh. Then they play his “funeral” video. But we don’t get any results yet.

After the break, we see Syesha’s trip home to Sarasota, Florida. Babies are thrown, handstands are sprung, and again, tears are shed. Back in the studio, another Idol journey video plays.

David Cook comes to center stage. He reveals that he went to Omaha to support his brother, Andrew, while he auditioned. Ryan calls Andrew to the stage, basically to tell him that whatever happens for David, Andrew gets half. David went home to Kansas City, Missouri, where among other things, he surprises his music teacher. And what do you know, more tears. And the third funeral clip.

I just realized there is no call-in segment tonight. I don’t miss it. The judges are given a chance to give one last pep talk to all three. Simon’s hoping for a humdinger of a finale.

Will it be a battle of the Davids? Does Paula like textures and colors and unicorns? Does Randy use the words “molten” and “phone book” excessively (although not together, thankfully; “molten phone book” doesn’t make much sense)? Does Simon use food- and animal-based metaphors to an alarming degree? Of course they do, and it will.

Syesha Mercado joins Nikki McKibbin, Kimberley Locke, Jasmine Trias, Vonzell Solomon, Elliott Yamin, and Melinda Doolittle as 3rd-place American Idol finishers.

So how did Burke, Bunny, and the Prognosticats fare in their American Idol predictions for the week?

SCORES

Bunny: 1 out of 1
Right about Syesha Mercado
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Syesha Mercado
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about David Cook
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 1 out of 1)

Our guest commenters Dew Bew and ALBERT were wrong about David Cook leaving, but first-timer Wia was right about Syesha. Thanks to them for joining us, and we hope they can be here for the finale next week!

(aired 5/13/08)

Once Ryan muscles his way through the castle-size doors and onto the stage, he explains the plan for tonight. As in the past, the Idols will be singing a song the judges’ chose for them, a producers’ choice, and then one of their own choosing. So complaints about song choice should only be a factor in their second performance.

Our guest commenters just can’t get enough, I guess. And we can’t get enough of them. They are clever so we don’t have to be! Say hey to 14-year-old Dew Bew and her dad, ALBERT. Her mom, Wia, has also been blackmailed coaxed into giving her opinions as well.

A reminder of how our rating system works: Contestants can get as little as half a paw if they really stink up the joint. They might earn four paws if they really knock our socks off.

JUDGES’ CHOICE ROUND
(Alternate name:
The We-Picked-This-Song-For-You-But-It’s-Still-Your-Fault Round)

David Archuleta

“And So It Goes” (chosen by Paula)
Bunny: It appears obvious by David’s face he has never heard of the song. (It’s by Billy who? Was he one of the beetles?) Archie’s pulling a Bo Bice and going a cappella! Okay, not for the whole song. Probably a good thing. The band camouflages a little of the wind-tunnel/Darth-Vader/leaky-balloon noise. I love the song. The performance is pretty good.

Burke: Gaspy, sappy, and consistent.

Dew Bew: I liked his performance, but I can’t watch someone singing with their eyes closed.

Wia: I would like to see him sing something with a beat, but maybe he can’t dance.

ALBERT: Even Paula knows the kid’s the ballad king.

Syesha Mercado

“If I Ain’t Got You” (chosen by Randy)
Bunny: Randy didn’t do her any favors with that choice. I hope the other two songs can show her fun, unpredictable side (if she truly has one and ALW week wasn’t a total fluke). Call Guinness—she’s going for a world record run on the last no-o-o-o-oh-oh-oh-oh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh-oh-oh-ote.

Burke: Good job on the vocals. I thought she should have moved a little more.

Dew Bew: I still love her.

Wia: I thought she did a good job.

ALBERT: Not a fan of the song, but she sang it real well.

David Cook

“The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” (Simon’s choice)
Bunny: Wow. Way to go, Simon; totally unexpected song pick. He is throwing the boy a real challenge. It seemed like he started out in too high a key, but it worked out. I’ll be checking out the studio version of this one.

Burke: A softer side of David Cook. Will it work? Absolutely.

Dew Bew: To tell you the truth, I think he did really well.

Wia: I actually like the way he sang the song. He took an older, slow song and made it different.

ALBERT: Good pick by Simon. Cook pulled it off real well.

CONTESTANTS’ CHOICE ROUND
(Alternate name:
The Professional-Suicide-By-Shooting-Yourself-In-The-Foot Round)

David Archuleta

“With You”
Bunny: This is the most contemporary he has sounded. I didn’t know the song, but I liked it. Does he seem more relaxed this week, now that a certain someone’s influence has been, shall we say, curtailed? Hmmmm.

Burke: Gaspy, sappy, and consistent.

Dew Bew: He did really good. He got up and moved, more animation.

Wia: It was nice to see animation on his face.

ALBERT: Dance moves need work.

Syesha Mercado

“Fever”
Bunny: V-e-e-e-r-r-r-r-y predictable choice for Syesha. I had hoped for better in view of her somewhat improved selections of late. This was a bore, I’m sorry to say. When will she get it through her head that it doesn’t matter that she sings well if she puts us to sleep?

Burke: Bad song choice, campy performance, weird lighting. Her fever will send her home.

Dew Bew: I still love her.

Wia: I think she sang it very nicely, even though I didn’t care for the song choice.

ALBERT: The chair thing could go bad. Ple-e-e-e-a-s-s-s-e could this be the last big band-type song? Okay, the chair worked out all right.

David Cook

“Dare You To Move”
Bunny: The slow-start-building-to-a-crescendo thing is showing its age. His voice isn’t at its best on this song. It’s okay.

Burke: The opening was rough for me. Too slow, too low. Just when it started getting good, it was over.

Dew Bew: OMG. I dare him to move to another country.

Wia: Very dull and boring in the beginning. I was not impressed.

ALBERT: Underwhelmed over here.

PRODUCERS’ CHOICE ROUND
(Alternate name:
The We-Make-Scads-O’-Money-But-We-Are-Still-Basically-Clueless Round)

David Archuleta

“Longer”
Bunny: This has the potential to be sacrilegious. I would have liked to hear Cookie doing this one. As always, well done, but I guess he’s just too young for me to take such a romantic song seriously from him. Way too young. W-a-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y too young.

Burke: Gaspy, sappy, and consistent.

Dew Bew: Could this song be any longer?

Wia: He lost all his animation. I could have fallen asleep.

ALBERT: More ballads! YES!!! Oh, wait. NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Syesha Mercado

“Hit Me Up”
Bunny: The song from “Happy Feet.” I think Randy hit it on the head when he used “esque” to describe Syesha. She is “everyone-else-esque.” She is totally and completely determined to karaoke her way into the finals, and it’s not going to happen.

Burke: While she is the best performer of the bunch, her happy feet will take her home.

Dew Bew: I still love her.

Wia: She shows more emotion than the other two. At least she dances and gets into it.

ALBERT: Awesome—Sy can make any song sound big band! Woo! Is my sarcasm showing?

David Cook

“I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”
Bunny: It’s totally his kind of song, but it’s missing something. I’m not sure what. Simon liked it.

Burke: Not my favorite performance of his. I think he’s lucky it’s not the finale.

Dew Bew: I don’t like his voice, and for once Simon is wrong. He disappoints me. Simon, I mean.

Wia: I wanted to miss that bad song. The end was the best part.

ALBERT: Karaoke at its greatest. Simon might need new batteries in his hearing aids. I don’t know what he heard.

PREDICTIONS

Bunny: Definitely not a blow-you-away night in spite of the fact that we’re FIGHTING FOR THE FINALE, PEOPLE! Syesha is as predictable as the comments of Burke, Dew Bew, and Randy. (Speaking of Randy, I wish he would drop the you-could-sing-the-phone-book comment already). And I apologize for the wildly out-of-control hyphenation in tonight’s article. I-can’t-seem-to-stop.

Bunny’s Bomb is Syesha Mercado. And she will not be there to kibosh a David-David finale.

Burke: Burke’s Turkey is Syesha Mercado. She’s going home.

Prognosticats: The Hairball Performance tonight was given by Syesha Mercado. However, leaving tomorrow will be David Cook.

Dew Bew: Dew Bew’s Dud is David Cook. And I think he will be leaving.

Wia: Wia’s Washout is David Archuleta, but Syesha will go home.

ALBERT: ALBERT’s Albatross is David Archuleta. David Cook, though, will be voted off.

Bunny: Who did everyone choose as their Top Dawg? Mine is David Cook.

Burke: David Cook.

Dew Bew: Syesha Mercado.

Wia: Syesha Mercado.

ALBERT: Syesha Mercado.

Bunny: Will it be a battle of the Davids, or will Syesha take one of them on? Check with us tomorrow night to find out how it all shakes out!

(aired 3/7/08)

Every possible ending to tonight’s elimination show has been discussed at length on the Internet, almost to the point where I almost feel like I don’t need to watch it unfold live. But of course I will be glued to the TV.

“Reelin’ In the Years” is the song chosen for the group number. The choreography seems even more awkward now than it was before, possibly because there are fewer people to watch so I am more likely to notice the missteps. They sound pretty good, though. I love that Paul Jackson, Jr. got a cool guitar solo.

After the recap, David Archuleta is called to center stage. The “competition-crusher” prattles nervously until Ryan sends him to the couch.

The Idols were flown to Las Vegas last weekend on a 737 to see the Beatles Love Cirque Du Soleil, kiss dolphins, and to be crushed by adoring, maniacal, seriously-in-need-of-a-life-of-their-own fans. And to get red carpet makeovers. Which doesn’t seem to help a couple of them much.

Now David Cook is called to the stage to receive the news … that he is safe. So there will be no real shocker elimination tonight. Syesha and Jason walk out together. Ryan manages to make Jason think he’s actually going to announce who’s going home RIGHT NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Commercial.

Love the latest Ford music video, done to “Ring of Fire.” David Cook in the matador costume is hysterical. Almost as hysterical as David Archuleta in the same costume.

So we’re still doing the call-in segment. Yay…yawn…

Maroon 5 performs “If I Never See Your Face Again.” I’m not crazy about the song. Actually, that’s overstating it. I don’t really like it at all. But Adam Levine has some good advice for the Idols.

Then Bo Bice rocks the stage. I wonder if Simon likes the vocoder this time. (Wasn’t it Simon who didn’t like when David C. used it?) I was never a huge Bo Bice fan but he kind of makes you like him. He’s a pro. He reminds the contestants to practice, practice, practice.

So now we’re down to the wire. Ryan recaps the performances of Jason and Syesha. Jason reveals that he has already packed his bags, and then laughs because someone told him that last night he shot the tambourine man. He feels his inexperience is coming through. Syesha again compares her journey to the civil rights movement.

America has voted. Syesha is … safe. No one is as happy as Jason. I’m sorry to see him go, but on the plus side, we do get to watch him sing an Avril Lavigne song with Reynaldo Lapuz in the funeral clip. He had an Idol journey that won’t soon be forgotten. It was nice to see someone come into the top 24 with no previous airtime and captivate the country, thereby reaching the top 4. Nothing wrong with that.

So Jason Castro joins Tamyra Gray, Joshua Gracin, Latoya London, Anthony Fedorov, Chris Daughtry, and Lakisha Jones as an Idol 4th-place finisher.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Syesha Mercado
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Jason Castro
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 1 out of 1
Right about Jason Castro
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: Our guest commenters did very well, both also correctly predicting that Jason would be “celebrated home.” Congrats to them.

(aired May 6, 2008)

Are you ready for some rock and roll? We are. With 500 of the most influential rock songs ever to choose from tonight, the contestants have no excuse not to deliver some of their best performances yet.

Our guest commenters are back! We have 14-year-old Dew Bew and her dad, ALBERT, whose name must be written in all caps for reasons I have still not determined. A quick refresher on our rating system: Half a paw is the worst. Four paws is best.

David Cook

“Hungry Like the Wolf”
Bunny: It’s not a melodic song by any stretch of the imagination. He rocks out, but I’m not thrilled.

Burke: Good karaoke version. Nothing original, but I enjoyed it.

Dew Bew: He didn’t “doo-doo-doo-doo” 15 times. He didn’t do too well.

ALBERT: Let sleeping wolves lie.

Syesha Mercado

“Proud Mary”
Bunny: Wow. Where has this girl been all this time? She still seems to be imitating people too much rather than establishing her own vibe, but she gives it her all. The hair flipping seems a little calculated.

Burke: Wow. She’s become a dancer. A little cheesy, but she is really coming alive at the right time.

Dew Bew: Because of her performance, I think she deserves to brag a little.

ALBERT: We’re glad you had fun, Syesha. Next time, include us.

Jason Castro

“I Shot the Sheriff”
Bunny: It was inevitable that at some point he would do a Marley song. The dreads are swinging free and so is the guitar. He holds it but doesn’t play it all that much. Could Jason be throwing this contest? (Is it his to throw in the first place?) Paula still doesn’t issue an apology for last week, but she is given an opportunity by Ryan to “build Jason’s confidence” after the judges’ negative feedback.

Burke: I have to give him credit. He tried to be cool, but it wasn’t working for me. I don’t feel he wants to or deserves to be here.

Dew Bew: His knowledge of songs astounds me … still. He shot that song down.

ALBERT: When John Brown is dead, shoot me next.

David Archuleta

“Stand By Me”
Bunny: I love the drums and bass. The less formal T-shirt makes him look a little more mature, strangely enough. He sings it flawlessly, and it’s one of my favorite performances of his so far. As I’ve said before, I think I’ll like him much better in 5 or 10 years, but I can appreciate his obvious talent.

Burke: Breathy is back. Isn’t there a boy band somewhere who needs a lead? I found it consistent but stale.

Dew Bew: I really liked it and I don’t have anything else to say.

ALBERT: What was with the extra lyric at the end?

David Cook

“Baba O’Riley”
Bunny: He’s tackling The Who. There are a couple of flat notes. Did he look at the “mosh pit” when he sang the words “teenage wasteland”? I hope so. I liked it better than the first song. This is not a wow moment, but he would probably have to kill a kitten before he’s in trouble on this show. Sorry, Prognosticats. I didn’t mean to say that.

Burke: He has picked some ambitious songs tonight. Not his best ever, but his bar is set way above the others.

Dew Bew: Did he pay someone to shout “I love you” or was it his mom? With that lip curl, he would have been better off doing Elvis. His recording should go to the wasteland.

ALBERT: Big song. Not too bad, but I won’t be downloading that version. Sorry.

Syesha Mercado

“A Change Is Gonna Come”
Bunny: She sings it great, and her emoting has improved a lot. But a song that slow on rock and roll night just isn’t going to cut it. I’m not dissing Sam Cooke, but I think American Idol fans are expecting something more up-tempo and energetic. And after Randy’s negative comments, she emotes all over the place. She might even have gotten some emotion on Ryan’s suit.

Burke: Bad song choice. She has reverted to the old Syesha. Looks good but I wasn’t feelin’ it. She’s lucky Jason stinks or she’d be going home.

Dew Bew: The dress suits her. I love the way she did that song.

ALBERT: Nice voice. I wouldn’t have picked that song to get the crowd into it. Bad, bad choice.

Jason Castro

“Mr. Tambourine Man”
Bunny: For the second week in a row, Jason has to sing after a stinging critique. At least he earned this one. And he becomes another in a long line of contestants this season who flub the lyrics. He handles it better than the others did, though.

Burke: Pack your bags. That’s it. The party’s over.

Dew Bew: He can go wrong. All I heard was “puff-puff, ah-ah, puff-puff.” That he’s still here astounds me.

ALBERT: Was it pop? Was it unplugged? What kind of arrangement was that????????? I would have picked “Homeward Bound.”

David Archuleta

“Love Me Tender”
Bunny: He’s trying to keep his eyes open, but the squinting is worse than having them closed. It’s kind of a bore, so much so that we talked through the whole song.

Burke: Mr. Ballad strikes again. Didn’t like the arrangement. Elvis has left the building.

Dew Bew: Today the U-joint broke on our truck. This was worse.

ALBERT: Now we know what killed Elvis.

PREDICTIONS

Bunny: Ooh, rough crowd tonight. Lots of 1-Paw ratings given out. And ALBERT ate all the cookies.

Bunny’s Bomb is, sadly, Jason Castro. But I think Syesha’s second song choice will do her in, whereas Jason’s fan base will save him after a rough night. Whether or not he wants to be saved is the question.

Burke: Burke’s Turkey is Jason Castro, by far. Gobble gobble. Going home: Barring a miracle, it will be Jason.

Prognosticats: Hairball performance tonight was given by David Archuleta. Jason Castro will be voted off.

Dew Bew: Dew Bew’s Dud is Jason Castro, plain and simple. And he will go home.

ALBERT: ALBERT’S Albatross is Jason. He’ll be going home.

Bunny: My Top Dawg tonight is David Archuleta on the strength of his first song.

Burke: Top Dawg is David Cook.

Dew Bew: Top Dawg is Syesha Mercado.

ALBERT: Top Dawg is David Cook.

Prognosticats: We don’t like dawgs.

Bunny: See you tomorrow night, when we find out who will be in the top 3!

(aired 4/30/08)

We start off with the group number as usual, a combo of Cracklin’ Rosie, Song Sung Blue, and Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show. How did Little David get the Brother Love solo? Okay, well, I guess they did throw a bone to More Mature David. There’s also some fancy choreography wherein the girls get up and go sit on the other side of each guy. Inventive. Overall, the number is low on energy and in too low a key for some of them.

Ryan stops in the audience to talk to Idol alumni Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glocksen, who are promoting their hosting gig on American Idol Extra, after which he breezes past a slightly disappointed-looking Ace Young. Sorry, Ace.

The Idol producers have evidently decided to address Paulagate only briefly by having Ryan reaffirm everyone’s love for the befuddled judge. I am personally not a conspiracy theorist and, in fact, choose to be as uncynical as possible regarding manipulation of the results, supposed scripting, etc. by the powers that be. But according to what I’ve read and heard, this flap may be of sufficient importance to Idol’s reputation as to merit a more thorough response. Well, let’s just move on.

Jason Castro is called to the stage. He answers a question from Ryan about his past performances quite smoothly and intelligently. He’s getting better at this interview thing. And yes! he’s in the top four. Cool.

Next is David Archuleta. Paula wants him to show more joy onstage. And she knows joy. Ryan tells him he’s safe. He is acting surprised again.

Ryan calls David Cook, who appears to be taking it as a bad sign that he was called up third out of five when the first two were safe. He is honest in admitting that he thinks Paula’s gushing praise might have been the kiss o’ death. His answers to Ryan’s questions are always candid but diplomatic. I like that. As expected, he’s safe.

So that means Brooke White and Syesha Mercado are the bottom two. Ryan recaps their songs and critiques. Syesha admits song choice has been tough. Actually, it’s pretty amazing she’s still around considering some of the stinkers she’s picked. Brooke says she kicked into happy, grateful mode last night. Uh-oh, when that switch flipped for Carly, she went home. However, Ryan sends them to the couch temporarily. It’s okay with Brooke: “We’ll stay as long as we can.” I do like her sense of humor.

Natasha Bedingfield is here to perform “Pocketful of Sunshine.” She’s a better singer than I realized. Excellent performance. Ryan makes like he’s going to have Simon critique her. I was kind of wondering what he would have said about it. But it’s just a fake-out.

Call-in segment time, blah, blah, blah. The unfortunate recipient of Simon’s first kiss (at age 9) is one of the callers. It’s the first time this part of the show has been even mildly amusing, in my opinion.

The Ford music video is “Catch the Wind,” and it’s far less frenetic than the last few.

Finally, it’s time for Neil Diamond. He’s singing “Pretty Amazing Grace.” It’s hard to believe the man is 67 years old. He sounds as good as ever. His mother is in the audience. He has some kind words and advice for the contestants. A class act, that man.

Brooke and Syesha are still waiting. Ryan calls them to center stage. And without further ado, leaving us tonight is … Brooke White. She cries even harder than Alaina Whitaker at being eliminated.

Thus ends one of Idol’s most memorable journeys. And with it Burke’s hopes of having correctly predicted the winner right after the auditions. Well, he came a lot closer than the cats and and I did (natashiablachandrobbiecarrico—ahem). Who? Yeah. Well, at least Brooke’s departure widens the gap between the humans and the cats as far as season predictions go. See the OVERALL STANDINGS in the left sidebar. Bunny … out.

SCORES

Bunny: 1 out of 1
Right about Brooke White
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Brooke White
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Jason Castro
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Since Burke was sick and didn’t get to see the show until today, he wasn’t able to get his predictions in at the usual time. Since we still have a couple of hours before the top 5 results show airs, we thought we’d post them now in order to keep the overall standings accurate.

Burke’s Turkey is Brooke White, and he thinks that she will also be the one voted off tonight. (Just for the record, his Top Dawg is David Cook.)

See you in a bit!

(aired 4/29/08)

Bunny: It’s Neil Diamond night on American Idol. His repertoire of haunting melodies and catchy tunes should provide plenty of opportunities for the Idols to shine. I may be in the minority with that opinion, but that’s okay.

Time is so tight that the contestants don’t get the full critique after round one. Instead, they’re lassoed into a group, and the judges shoot comments at them firing squad-style. Ms. Abdul beams down from Planet Paula, where inhabitants can apparently foresee the future, and critiques both of Jason’s songs before he has even done the second one.

Sadly, Burke is sick and won’t be able to add his comments. You’ll have to listen to my ramblings tonight. Well, you don’t have to. You could go read something intelligent and meaningful.

A reminder of how our rating system works: Half a paw is the worst. Four paws is awarded for the most outstanding performances.

Jason Castro

“Forever In Blue Jeans”
Perfect song for him. He plays the guitar, and his voice sounds really good. It’s a charming performance along the lines of his earlier “Daydream Believer.” And the girl on the violin with the sunglasses is very cool.

“September Morn”
No guitar for this song. He seems more confident this week. I think Neil’s songs really suit him. The judges aren’t impressed. I think they’re too harsh, but then again, any regular reader of this blog knows Jason is my personal favorite.

David Cook

“I’m Alive”
He gives Neil goosebumps, but not me this time. It’s not bad, but rough rocker voice is not as pleasant to my ear as his “Music of the Night” voice last week. It’s still good, and he’s not in any danger.

“All I Really Need Is You”
He swaps his electric guitar for an acoustic. He strays so much from the melody that it’s hardly recognizable until he sings the title. I don’t like this arrangement for this particular song. Apparently, Simon does. And why does the cameraman have to stand behind the windshield wiping robots? Arrgh.

Brooke White

“I’m A Believer”
It’s Brooke, bellbottoms, and a big guitar. It’s so nice to see her doing something upbeat again. Her smile seems a bit forced, though. I’m not wowed, but it’s an improvement from last week.

“I Am I Said”
She takes Neil’s advice and changes “New York” to “Arizona” in the lyric. Maybe she feels like she has nothing to lose after last week; she seems loose and quite comfortable. Her voice comes across beautifully, and I think it’s one of her best. She needed that. It still might not be enough to save her, but good for her.

David Archuleta

“Sweet Caroline”
I was skeptical at first, but I like what he’s doing with it. I mean, he sings every song exactly the same way, but it’s almost always well done. It was more enjoyable than I expected it to be.

“America”
It is a calculated choice not unlike Kristy Lee Cook’s Lee Greenwood song a few weeks ago. If he gets voted off tonight, it will be because a meteor the size of Amanda Overmyer’s hair wiped out all the prepubescent girls, grannies, and anyone who can claim American citizenship, preventing them from punching in David’s number a googillion times.

Syesha Mercado

“Hello Again”
She has been Beyoncified for tonight’s first performance. I’m hoping she does justice to one of my favorite ND songs, and I think she does. She seems genuine to me, for the first time. I like the new Syesha.

“Thank The Lord For The Nighttime”
With the backup singers and horns, it has an old-fashioned vibe, but I think the way she performs makes it what the judges like to call “relevant,” although they probably won’t agree. Tonight is the first time I’ve felt like she is a real competitor for the title. Simon and I are not on the same wavelength tonight at all. Usually we are.

PREDICTIONS

Bunny: It’s tough to pick Bunny’s Bomb tonight because I thought they all did well. In spite of the fact that David Cook is one of my overall favorites, I have to admit I liked his performances least tonight.

Who do I think will actually be leaving? I would guess, once again, that it’s the end of the line for Brooke White.

Prognosticats: We proclaim the Hairball Performance to be by Syesha Mercado. However, voters will say goodbye to Jason Castro.

Bunny: Between the two songs, both Brooke White and Syesha Mercado earned 6 paws from me. I’d have to give the edge to Syesha, simply because I had given her 3 and 3, as opposed to 2.5 and 3.5 for Brooke, thus making her more consistent, although the single best performance in my book was Brooke’s.

Prognosticats: As is our custom, we abstain from anything that involves dawgs.

Bunny: See you tomorrow night for the results!