Idol Gives Back—Goal: A Googillion Dollars
(aired 4/9/08)
Bunny: The Fox channel we usually watch Idol on is still showing a blank screen at 7:33, so I miss the first few minutes and come in just before Ryan starts dancing. It’s going to be an interesting evening.
Ben Stiller is here to convince us to raise a googillion dollars for Idol Gives Back. We’ll try, Ben, we’ll try, if only to keep you from singing again.
The show consists of a variety of celebrity requests for donations, commercials, and performances. Rather than detail every single thing that happens, we’ll just comment on the things that strike us.
Randy and Paula take the stage with “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” playing in the background. They look funny without the table in front of them. Paula is so coherent. Why don’t they give her a teleprompter every week?
Carrie Underwood is in a “Desperate Housewives” clip, accused by Teri Hatcher of stealing her man, so Teri steals her song, and indeed, she really does sing “Before He Cheats” on the Idol stage. She does a semi-respectable job, although her thin voice is overpowered by the music. She actually looks a little Amy Davis-esque standing there quavering behind the microphone. I give her a googillion points for bravery.
Mary Murphy threatens to do her trademark scream until we pick up the phone and donate. Okay, okay. I’ll give a kidney, a lung, whatever. An eye. No, ears! I’ll give my ears! Too bad they’re now broken.
Here’s Billy Crystal, introducing “Millie Serus,” also known as Miley Cyrus, and they spend several moments pretending not to know each other as an excuse to recount a list of the accomplishments of each, and then Miley sings. I’m not familiar with her music, but she could be used as an argument against raising the minimum Idol age and, in fact, lowering it. At 15, she’s already a seasoned performer.
Ryan walks through the phone bank manned by Idol contestants, all of whom seem to be talking to actual people calling in to donate. Half an hour into the show, the tally is at $15 million.
Fergie sings, with John Legend on piano. She has good moments and not-so-good moments.
Heart is here! Ann Wilson is Carly in 30 years, assuming Carly has a successful career, which I’m sure she will. Fergie joins them on “Barracuda” and actually does a couple of one-handed cartwheels on stage. Impressive. Maybe she always does that, I don’t know. I’m not a Fergie aficionado.
Kristy Lee Cook has a caller on the line who says she’ll double her donation if Ryan will blow her a kiss on air. He does. Let it never be said that he doesn’t do his part for charity.
Eli and Peyton Manning introduce a clip featuring kids affected by Hurricane Katrina who benefit from Idol aid.
I want to comment on the extraordinary length of time that Victoria Beckham has had the same hairdo, but this is a charity event, and I wouldn’t dream of it. It wouldn’t be fitting.
Bono and Annie Lennox have a report from Africa about children who have lost their family members to AIDS. The kids are adorable. Then Annie performs “Too Many Rivers To Cross” on the Idol stage. She looks and sounds great.
Celine Dion visited South Africa. The children there are not the only ones who look like they need a meal. Good grief, Celine, have a hamburger.
Jimmy Kimmel spends a few minutes roasting Simon, his clothing choices, and his SuperCuts hairstyle, among other things. Simon is a good sport but does get a chance to zing Jimmy back by mentioning how much he loves Jay Leno.
He introduces Carrie Underwood, and she sings “Praying For Time.” She is absolutely a class act, and as with her interpretation of “I’ll Stand By You” last year, I’ll be buying this download if it’s available. Very touching.
Next, Gloria Estefan performs “Get On Your Feet” accompanied by a bevy of dancers and is then critiqued, Randy style, by Sarah Silverman. Sarah then introduces a piece with Forest Whitaker about the prevention of malaria, after which we learn that IGB is up to almost $22 million.
Elliott Yamin is in the audience. I wish he were singing tonight. Reese Witherspoon has a piece from New Orleans about children who know little but poverty and violence, and the Freedom Schools that are helping them.
They unchained the top eight Idol contestants from the phones so they could sing “Seasons of Love” along with a blue-robed choir. Nicely done.
Alicia Keys has a compelling piece from her journey to Africa, where she met a grandmother who has to support her eight grandchildren by digging graves because her four children all died of AIDS.
Miley Cyrus is singing again. Some of her movements are not only bizarre, but a little too “mature” for a 15-year-old, although, next to Britney, I know she’s considered pure as the driven snow.
We see a clip of her and her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, traveling to Kentucky, where 50% of the children live below the poverty line. After-school programs and books are provided for these kids with the help of Idol Aid.
Ryan introduces the “Russian Idol,” Bob, who looks an awful lot like … Robin Williams, in the evening’s most bizarre interlude. That man will be clowning around until the day he dies.
David Spade introduces a film of Brad Pitt’s visit to New Orleans. Over 200,000 people are still displaced. Then Mr. Jolie himself comes out to address the audience, except that his microphone isn’t working, until a saucy microphone person comes out and fixes it for him, joking that she just wanted an excuse to touch Brad Pitt.
Chris Daughtry, with his band, sings “What About Now” in a video clip from Uganda similar to Carrie’s last year.
Now Mariah Carey sings “Fly Like A Bird” with Randy Jackson on bass. Dawg. If I didn’t know who Mariah was, I don’t think this performance would convince me that she’s one of the top female artists of the last couple decades, but what do I know? And what are Paula’s Chihuahuas doing here?
The white-clad top 8 close out the show with “Shout to the Lord.” Syesha’s shorts look out of place. It’s too late for her to pull a Haley Scarnato.
In the spirit of Idol Gives Back, anything donated to the Prognosticats’ Tuna Tip Jar (in the right sidebar) by midnight tomorrow (April 10, 2008) will be passed along 100% to Idol Gives Back. Thank you for your generosity. Join us tomorrow night for the results.