American Idol top 3—the first time ever I heard you sing…
(aired 5/13/08)
Once Ryan muscles his way through the castle-size doors and onto the stage, he explains the plan for tonight. As in the past, the Idols will be singing a song the judges’ chose for them, a producers’ choice, and then one of their own choosing. So complaints about song choice should only be a factor in their second performance.
Our guest commenters just can’t get enough, I guess. And we can’t get enough of them. They are clever so we don’t have to be! Say hey to 14-year-old Dew Bew and her dad, ALBERT. Her mom, Wia, has also been blackmailed coaxed into giving her opinions as well.
A reminder of how our rating system works: Contestants can get as little as half a paw 
if they really stink up the joint. They might earn four paws 
if they really knock our socks off.
JUDGES’ CHOICE ROUND
(Alternate name:
The We-Picked-This-Song-For-You-But-It’s-Still-Your-Fault Round)
David Archuleta
“And So It Goes” (chosen by Paula)
Bunny: It appears obvious by David’s face he has never heard of the song. (It’s by Billy who? Was he one of the beetles?) Archie’s pulling a Bo Bice and going a cappella! Okay, not for the whole song. Probably a good thing. The band camouflages a little of the wind-tunnel/Darth-Vader/leaky-balloon noise. I love the song. The performance is pretty good.
Burke: Gaspy, sappy, and consistent.
Dew Bew: I liked his performance, but I can’t watch someone singing with their eyes closed.
Wia: I would like to see him sing something with a beat, but maybe he can’t dance.
ALBERT: Even Paula knows the kid’s the ballad king.
Syesha Mercado
“If I Ain’t Got You” (chosen by Randy)
Bunny: Randy didn’t do her any favors with that choice. I hope the other two songs can show her fun, unpredictable side (if she truly has one and ALW week wasn’t a total fluke). Call Guinness—she’s going for a world record run on the last no-o-o-o-oh-oh-oh-oh-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh-oh-oh-ote.
Burke: Good job on the vocals. I thought she should have moved a little more.
Dew Bew: I still love her.
Wia: I thought she did a good job.
ALBERT: Not a fan of the song, but she sang it real well.
David Cook
“The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” (Simon’s choice)
Bunny: Wow. Way to go, Simon; totally unexpected song pick. He is throwing the boy a real challenge. It seemed like he started out in too high a key, but it worked out. I’ll be checking out the studio version of this one.
Burke: A softer side of David Cook. Will it work? Absolutely.
Dew Bew: To tell you the truth, I think he did really well.
Wia: I actually like the way he sang the song. He took an older, slow song and made it different.
ALBERT: Good pick by Simon. Cook pulled it off real well.
CONTESTANTS’ CHOICE ROUND
(Alternate name:
The Professional-Suicide-By-Shooting-Yourself-In-The-Foot Round)
David Archuleta
“With You”
Bunny: This is the most contemporary he has sounded. I didn’t know the song, but I liked it. Does he seem more relaxed this week, now that a certain someone’s influence has been, shall we say, curtailed? Hmmmm.
Burke: Gaspy, sappy, and consistent.
Dew Bew: He did really good. He got up and moved, more animation.
Wia: It was nice to see animation on his face.
ALBERT: Dance moves need work.
Syesha Mercado
“Fever”
Bunny: V-e-e-e-r-r-r-r-y predictable choice for Syesha. I had hoped for better in view of her somewhat improved selections of late. This was a bore, I’m sorry to say. When will she get it through her head that it doesn’t matter that she sings well if she puts us to sleep?
Burke: Bad song choice, campy performance, weird lighting. Her fever will send her home.
Dew Bew: I still love her.
Wia: I think she sang it very nicely, even though I didn’t care for the song choice.
ALBERT: The chair thing could go bad. Ple-e-e-e-a-s-s-s-e could this be the last big band-type song? Okay, the chair worked out all right.
David Cook
“Dare You To Move”
Bunny: The slow-start-building-to-a-crescendo thing is showing its age. His voice isn’t at its best on this song. It’s okay.
Burke: The opening was rough for me. Too slow, too low. Just when it started getting good, it was over.
Dew Bew: OMG. I dare him to move to another country.
Wia: Very dull and boring in the beginning. I was not impressed.
ALBERT: Underwhelmed over here.
PRODUCERS’ CHOICE ROUND
(Alternate name:
The We-Make-Scads-O’-Money-But-We-Are-Still-Basically-Clueless Round)
David Archuleta
“Longer”
Bunny: This has the potential to be sacrilegious. I would have liked to hear Cookie doing this one. As always, well done, but I guess he’s just too young for me to take such a romantic song seriously from him. Way too young. W-a-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y too young.
Burke: Gaspy, sappy, and consistent.
Dew Bew: Could this song be any longer?
Wia: He lost all his animation. I could have fallen asleep.
ALBERT: More ballads! YES!!! Oh, wait. NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Syesha Mercado
“Hit Me Up”
Bunny: The song from “Happy Feet.” I think Randy hit it on the head when he used “esque” to describe Syesha. She is “everyone-else-esque.” She is totally and completely determined to karaoke her way into the finals, and it’s not going to happen.
Burke: While she is the best performer of the bunch, her happy feet will take her home.
Dew Bew: I still love her.
Wia: She shows more emotion than the other two. At least she dances and gets into it.
ALBERT: Awesome—Sy can make any song sound big band! Woo! Is my sarcasm showing?
David Cook
“I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”
Bunny: It’s totally his kind of song, but it’s missing something. I’m not sure what. Simon liked it.
Burke: Not my favorite performance of his. I think he’s lucky it’s not the finale.
Dew Bew: I don’t like his voice, and for once Simon is wrong. He disappoints me. Simon, I mean.
Wia: I wanted to miss that bad song. The end was the best part.
ALBERT: Karaoke at its greatest. Simon might need new batteries in his hearing aids. I don’t know what he heard.
PREDICTIONS
Bunny: Definitely not a blow-you-away night in spite of the fact that we’re FIGHTING FOR THE FINALE, PEOPLE! Syesha is as predictable as the comments of Burke, Dew Bew, and Randy. (Speaking of Randy, I wish he would drop the you-could-sing-the-phone-book comment already). And I apologize for the wildly out-of-control hyphenation in tonight’s article. I-can’t-seem-to-stop.
Bunny’s Bomb is Syesha Mercado. And she will not be there to kibosh a David-David finale.
Burke: Burke’s Turkey is Syesha Mercado. She’s going home.
Prognosticats: The Hairball Performance tonight was given by Syesha Mercado. However, leaving tomorrow will be David Cook.
Dew Bew: Dew Bew’s Dud is David Cook. And I think he will be leaving.
Wia: Wia’s Washout is David Archuleta, but Syesha will go home.
ALBERT: ALBERT’s Albatross is David Archuleta. David Cook, though, will be voted off.
Bunny: Who did everyone choose as their Top Dawg? Mine is David Cook.
Burke: David Cook.
Dew Bew: Syesha Mercado.
Wia: Syesha Mercado.
ALBERT: Syesha Mercado.
Bunny: Will it be a battle of the Davids, or will Syesha take one of them on? Check with us tomorrow night to find out how it all shakes out!