Predict Idol

(aired 5/21/08)

Bunny: Wow. We’re finally here at the finale at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles. Ryan reveals that one David got 56% of the votes, the other 44%. That’s a fairly close race, but I expected it to be even closer.

Mikalah Gordon and Matt Rogers report from the Davids’ hometowns, surrounded by fans damaging their vocal cords to an alarming degree.

The whiteclad top 12 plus dancers from that other show take the stage, singing “Get Ready.” And David Hernandez tosses Ramiele Malubay over his shoulder in a crazy dance move … oops, never mind, those were SYTYCD dancers. My bad. It’s a pretty high-energy performance.

It’s very interesting to hear the Davids sing together on “Hero” by Chad Kroeger. They actually sound really good as a duet. I’m liking it.

We see a clip of the two visiting Mike Myers as the Guru Pitka from the new movie “The Love Guru.” He gives them “spiritual” advice, telling Cookie to shave, and warning Archie that one day he will need to. It was kinda funny, in a forced kinda way. Then the Love Guru comes to the Nokia stage to predict that the winner will be named … David. Ba dum bum. We haven’t heard that prediction at all over the past week.

Ryan almost scoots off the stage on a self-propelled guru pillow thingy. That was amusing.

Seal joins Sy“LookAtMeImSinginWithSEAL”esha on stage with “Waiting For You.”

Jason Castro sings “Hallelujah” for us again, which is awesome except that at one point he gets quite a bit ahead of the music. Still, it was a special Season 7 moment, and I’m glad they did it again.

There’s a montage of clips from previous Ford music videos. The song is “Let The Good Times Roll.”

Ryan presents the Davids with keys to their new Ford Escape hybrids, after being reassured by Adolescent David that he does indeed have a license.

Now the top 6 girls are singing Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For the Money.” Amanda looks ticked, but then, she always did. Donna the Disco Diva herself then appears with a bevy of break dancers and does a couple of her other songs. Is it still called break dancing? I’m not up with the terminology these days. Donna then performs “Last Dance” with Sy“LookAtMeImSinginWithDonnaSUMMER”esha.

Ryan tries his hand at this newfangled dancing. I will say this: He sure isn’t afraid to look foolish. Strangely enough, I have even more respect for him now. Way to strut your stuff, Ryan Seafoam!

Carly Smithson and Michael Johns are up next. It’s nice to see them in the spotlight again, but Carly’s voice sounds a bit strident. I think I really like her lower register better. Am I being too negative?

Jimmy Kimmel is here and he fires off a Sanjaya joke, followed quickly by sniping at Ryan, Chris Sligh, Paula, Simon, and then he introduces a montage of Simon’s various insults set to music.

It’s the top 6 guys’ turn. The four non-finalists come out to “Summer of ’69,” giving way to the Davids with “Heaven,” which, despite being an apparently much hated Bryan Adams song, was a muy popular choice during Hollywood week this year.

And yes, Bryan himself is here singing “I Thought I’d Seen Everything” and “Somebody.” Does he look like a cross between Glenn Frey and Lloyd Christmas to anyone else?

David Cook and ZZ Top take the stage with “Sharp Dressed Man.” Compared to them, the Cook’s face is as clean as a baby’s bottom. It’s an awesome performance.

We check in with Mikalah in Kansas City. She is infinitely more annoying than Kimberly Caldwell. She interviews David C.’s music teacher, if you can call that an interview.

And then we move on to Brooke White harmonizing with Graham Nash on “Teach Your Children.” They’re both strummin’ and singin’. I know there will be viewers hatin’ on the downhome folksy stuff, but it’s a needed respite from the louder, up-tempo numbers.

David Cook has done a Guitar Hero commercial, impersonating Tom Cruise from “Risky Business”! Cute.

Next up are a group who I can only assume are the Jonas Brothers. I don’t have teenagers, so I’ve never seen them before that I can recall. Sanjaya Malakar and Archie should be up there with them. Wait a minute—I’m not entirely sure that that isn’t them.

Then, just in case we were in any doubt that the right people did get through to the top 12, we see a clip of some of the more memorable (in a bad way) auditions, which serves as an introduction to Reynaldo Lapuz with a reprise of “I Am Your Brother.” The USC marching band joins him onstage. They must have been hoping the tubas would drown him out. It almost works.

OneRepublic performs “Apologize.” Love it. Archie comes out starting at the second verse. This is the kind of song he should have been singing all along. He has forgotten Andrew Lloyd Webber’s advice, and only opens his eyes at the end.

Cut to Matthew Rogers in Salt Lake City, who busts the eardrums of both of David A.’s grandpas in an effort to find out which side of the family his talent came from.

Jordin Sparks sings “One Step At A Time.” There’s not a lot of love for her dress in this household, but she looks great from the neck up and sounds great as usual. She must be off vocal rest?

There’s an old Gladys Knight performance with the “Pips,” who consist of Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. Now that was funny. Whoo-whoo!

ACM female vocalist of the year Carrie Underwood appears and sings “Last Name.” I don’t love the song, but she kills it. She has become a consummate professional in three short years.

I can hardly believe my eyes. This time Archie is doing the Guitar Hero commercial with his Fisher-Price guitar. It’s cute, too, but not believable.

The top 12 are up one more time before the results, singing a George Michael medley. I just realized that Kristy Lee Cook resembles Jenna Bush. The guys look sharp-sharp-sharp! Jason’s in a suit and tie! Pass the smelling salts, please. It’s the best group performance of the year.

Who’s the George Michael impersonator singing “Praying For Time”? Oh, it’s George Michael. This is the most bizarre part of the evening. I would have rather heard Carrie singing it again.

There are only a few minutes left. Randy “Colonel Sanders/Sergeant Pepper” Jackson and the other two yahoos give their final thoughts on the two left standing. Paula is coherent, and Simon actually apologizes for being almost disrespectful to David Cook last night. The envelope is conveyed to Ryan, and the results are finally read. I’m okay with either possible outcome, but I’m hoping …

The winner by 12 million votes is …

DAVID COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Be careful, Cookie, your makeup’s gonna run. The word nerd is at a loss for words.

He sings the winning Idol coronation song, “Time of My Life.” Yes, there is a “magic rainbow” in the lyrics. Seriously, there is. Poor Cookie. But woo-hoo, Cookie!

And so David Archuleta joins Justin Guarini, Clay Aiken, Diana DeGarmo, Bo Bice, Katharine McPhee, Blake Lewis from Season 1 through 6, respectively, as a second-place American Idol finisher. Not a bad group to be in. He was a worthy competitor and I look forward to seeing what he’ll do in the future. Especially once he’s, you know, a high school graduate and everything.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about David Cook
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about David Archuleta
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 1 out of 1
Right about David Archuleta
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 1 out of 1)

Our guest commenter, K, was also correct with her prediction that David Archuleta would come in second. Good job!

FINAL SEASON 7 SCORES

Well, what have we concluded in our cats vs. humans experiment? In the final tally, Burke is declared the winner here at Predict Idol, managing to correctly predict who would go home 10 out of 23 times, for a 43% average. Bunny comes in second at 7 out of 23 (30%). The Prognosticats bring up the rear with only 5 out of 23 (22%). Obviously, prediction is not our strong suit and we should keep our day jobs.

We did slightly better with our personal American Idol predictions (those we thought should have gone home). Burke had 11 out of 23 (48%) with Burke’s Turkeys, Bunny also had 11 out of 23 (48%) with Bunny’s Bombs (ha!), and the Prognosticats again finished in last place with only 6 out of 23 (26%). Apparently, cats spend too much time sleeping and eating tuna and not enough time watching Idol.

Thanks for reading Predict Idol. It was a great first year! Check in with us in weeks to come for news about your favorite Idols past and present!

(aired May 14, 2008)

Hard to believe, but we’re about to find out the Season 7 top two! Fifty-six million votes came in last night to determine who will face off in next week’s finale.

The group song is “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.” It’s awkward. It’s under-rehearsed. It’s corny. It’s a normal group number.

We see the Ford music video, set to “Heaven.” It sounds really good, although the visuals aren’t as exciting as usual.

Next there’s the obligatory recap, during which we get to relive Chihuahua David’s awkward bobbing and Feverish Syesha’s cabaret. Fortunately Grown-Up David saves it, especially with the clip of “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.”

Fantasia is here to sing “Bore Me.” She gives the audience a lesson on how to clap and the contestants a lesson in showmanship. I don’t think any singing lessons are being imparted, though. Still not loving that coarsely crushed gravel screech.

Ryan calls David Archuleta to the stage. We watch a film of his trip back to Murray, Utah. There are cheerleaders, interviews, tears, and lots of screaming. Even more than during Fantasia’s performance. Don’t cry, Gaspy, don’t cry. Gosh. Then they play his “funeral” video. But we don’t get any results yet.

After the break, we see Syesha’s trip home to Sarasota, Florida. Babies are thrown, handstands are sprung, and again, tears are shed. Back in the studio, another Idol journey video plays.

David Cook comes to center stage. He reveals that he went to Omaha to support his brother, Andrew, while he auditioned. Ryan calls Andrew to the stage, basically to tell him that whatever happens for David, Andrew gets half. David went home to Kansas City, Missouri, where among other things, he surprises his music teacher. And what do you know, more tears. And the third funeral clip.

I just realized there is no call-in segment tonight. I don’t miss it. The judges are given a chance to give one last pep talk to all three. Simon’s hoping for a humdinger of a finale.

Will it be a battle of the Davids? Does Paula like textures and colors and unicorns? Does Randy use the words “molten” and “phone book” excessively (although not together, thankfully; “molten phone book” doesn’t make much sense)? Does Simon use food- and animal-based metaphors to an alarming degree? Of course they do, and it will.

Syesha Mercado joins Nikki McKibbin, Kimberley Locke, Jasmine Trias, Vonzell Solomon, Elliott Yamin, and Melinda Doolittle as 3rd-place American Idol finishers.

So how did Burke, Bunny, and the Prognosticats fare in their American Idol predictions for the week?

SCORES

Bunny: 1 out of 1
Right about Syesha Mercado
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Syesha Mercado
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about David Cook
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 1 out of 1)

Our guest commenters Dew Bew and ALBERT were wrong about David Cook leaving, but first-timer Wia was right about Syesha. Thanks to them for joining us, and we hope they can be here for the finale next week!

(aired 3/7/08)

Every possible ending to tonight’s elimination show has been discussed at length on the Internet, almost to the point where I almost feel like I don’t need to watch it unfold live. But of course I will be glued to the TV.

“Reelin’ In the Years” is the song chosen for the group number. The choreography seems even more awkward now than it was before, possibly because there are fewer people to watch so I am more likely to notice the missteps. They sound pretty good, though. I love that Paul Jackson, Jr. got a cool guitar solo.

After the recap, David Archuleta is called to center stage. The “competition-crusher” prattles nervously until Ryan sends him to the couch.

The Idols were flown to Las Vegas last weekend on a 737 to see the Beatles Love Cirque Du Soleil, kiss dolphins, and to be crushed by adoring, maniacal, seriously-in-need-of-a-life-of-their-own fans. And to get red carpet makeovers. Which doesn’t seem to help a couple of them much.

Now David Cook is called to the stage to receive the news … that he is safe. So there will be no real shocker elimination tonight. Syesha and Jason walk out together. Ryan manages to make Jason think he’s actually going to announce who’s going home RIGHT NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Commercial.

Love the latest Ford music video, done to “Ring of Fire.” David Cook in the matador costume is hysterical. Almost as hysterical as David Archuleta in the same costume.

So we’re still doing the call-in segment. Yay…yawn…

Maroon 5 performs “If I Never See Your Face Again.” I’m not crazy about the song. Actually, that’s overstating it. I don’t really like it at all. But Adam Levine has some good advice for the Idols.

Then Bo Bice rocks the stage. I wonder if Simon likes the vocoder this time. (Wasn’t it Simon who didn’t like when David C. used it?) I was never a huge Bo Bice fan but he kind of makes you like him. He’s a pro. He reminds the contestants to practice, practice, practice.

So now we’re down to the wire. Ryan recaps the performances of Jason and Syesha. Jason reveals that he has already packed his bags, and then laughs because someone told him that last night he shot the tambourine man. He feels his inexperience is coming through. Syesha again compares her journey to the civil rights movement.

America has voted. Syesha is … safe. No one is as happy as Jason. I’m sorry to see him go, but on the plus side, we do get to watch him sing an Avril Lavigne song with Reynaldo Lapuz in the funeral clip. He had an Idol journey that won’t soon be forgotten. It was nice to see someone come into the top 24 with no previous airtime and captivate the country, thereby reaching the top 4. Nothing wrong with that.

So Jason Castro joins Tamyra Gray, Joshua Gracin, Latoya London, Anthony Fedorov, Chris Daughtry, and Lakisha Jones as an Idol 4th-place finisher.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Syesha Mercado
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Jason Castro
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 1 out of 1
Right about Jason Castro
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: Our guest commenters did very well, both also correctly predicting that Jason would be “celebrated home.” Congrats to them.

(aired 4/30/08)

We start off with the group number as usual, a combo of Cracklin’ Rosie, Song Sung Blue, and Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show. How did Little David get the Brother Love solo? Okay, well, I guess they did throw a bone to More Mature David. There’s also some fancy choreography wherein the girls get up and go sit on the other side of each guy. Inventive. Overall, the number is low on energy and in too low a key for some of them.

Ryan stops in the audience to talk to Idol alumni Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glocksen, who are promoting their hosting gig on American Idol Extra, after which he breezes past a slightly disappointed-looking Ace Young. Sorry, Ace.

The Idol producers have evidently decided to address Paulagate only briefly by having Ryan reaffirm everyone’s love for the befuddled judge. I am personally not a conspiracy theorist and, in fact, choose to be as uncynical as possible regarding manipulation of the results, supposed scripting, etc. by the powers that be. But according to what I’ve read and heard, this flap may be of sufficient importance to Idol’s reputation as to merit a more thorough response. Well, let’s just move on.

Jason Castro is called to the stage. He answers a question from Ryan about his past performances quite smoothly and intelligently. He’s getting better at this interview thing. And yes! he’s in the top four. Cool.

Next is David Archuleta. Paula wants him to show more joy onstage. And she knows joy. Ryan tells him he’s safe. He is acting surprised again.

Ryan calls David Cook, who appears to be taking it as a bad sign that he was called up third out of five when the first two were safe. He is honest in admitting that he thinks Paula’s gushing praise might have been the kiss o’ death. His answers to Ryan’s questions are always candid but diplomatic. I like that. As expected, he’s safe.

So that means Brooke White and Syesha Mercado are the bottom two. Ryan recaps their songs and critiques. Syesha admits song choice has been tough. Actually, it’s pretty amazing she’s still around considering some of the stinkers she’s picked. Brooke says she kicked into happy, grateful mode last night. Uh-oh, when that switch flipped for Carly, she went home. However, Ryan sends them to the couch temporarily. It’s okay with Brooke: “We’ll stay as long as we can.” I do like her sense of humor.

Natasha Bedingfield is here to perform “Pocketful of Sunshine.” She’s a better singer than I realized. Excellent performance. Ryan makes like he’s going to have Simon critique her. I was kind of wondering what he would have said about it. But it’s just a fake-out.

Call-in segment time, blah, blah, blah. The unfortunate recipient of Simon’s first kiss (at age 9) is one of the callers. It’s the first time this part of the show has been even mildly amusing, in my opinion.

The Ford music video is “Catch the Wind,” and it’s far less frenetic than the last few.

Finally, it’s time for Neil Diamond. He’s singing “Pretty Amazing Grace.” It’s hard to believe the man is 67 years old. He sounds as good as ever. His mother is in the audience. He has some kind words and advice for the contestants. A class act, that man.

Brooke and Syesha are still waiting. Ryan calls them to center stage. And without further ado, leaving us tonight is … Brooke White. She cries even harder than Alaina Whitaker at being eliminated.

Thus ends one of Idol’s most memorable journeys. And with it Burke’s hopes of having correctly predicted the winner right after the auditions. Well, he came a lot closer than the cats and and I did (natashiablachandrobbiecarrico—ahem). Who? Yeah. Well, at least Brooke’s departure widens the gap between the humans and the cats as far as season predictions go. See the OVERALL STANDINGS in the left sidebar. Bunny … out.

SCORES

Bunny: 1 out of 1
Right about Brooke White
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Brooke White
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Jason Castro
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

(aired 4/23/08)

Bunny: After a surprisingly good night of musical theater, we are about to find out which of the six remaining contestants haven’t made the cut.

Andrew Lloyd Webber himself plays the piano for the opening group number, “That’s All I Ask Of You,” which the Idols sing quite well.

After a recap of last night’s highlights and lowlights, Ryan has a sit-down with Lord Webber, who talks about the unique requirements of singing musical theater. Poor Brooke’s restart is brought up again, and ALW kindly mentions that her dress rehearsal was flawless. However, his opinion of Jason’s song choice and receptiveness to advice is not as positive. He also aims a few good-natured jabs at Simon.

The Ford music video is set to “Tainted Love,” and it gives me nightmarish flashbacks of He Who Has Ruined That Song Forever. Punked-up Brooke looks less G-rated in the video than we’ve ever seen her. Then there’s a clip of President and Mrs. Bush thanking viewers for their contributions during Idol Gives Back.

Tonight there are only two stools set aside for the bottom-dwellers. Whose unfortunate fannies will fill them?

We start with the Davids. There’s lots of chatter before Ryan gives the results. David Cook says he decided to sing “Music of the Night” in a predictable way in order to be unpredictable. David Archuleta answers a question from Ryan, but I wasn’t really paying attention. The Chosen Ones are both safe. Cut to Jason yawning backstage.

We’re back from commercial, and there’s a short film about the former contestants who have been performing on Broadway since their Idol appearances, most notably Tamyra Gray and Clay Aiken.

Now we finally get to see Britain’s X Factor winner, Leona Lewis, on the Idol stage. She does her single “Bleeding Love.” She sounds pretty good. She has kind of a Kristy Lee Cook horseback stance while she sings, and she doesn’t really connect with the camera, but I can see, or rather, hear, why there’s been so much hype surrounding her. I think Ryan is starstruck.

Finally, back to the results. Syesha Mercado and Brooke White are called to center stage. Asked about her performance last night, Syesha uses the word “fun” about 36 times. Ryan asks Brooke about her false start and the fact that she didn’t yammer at the judges last night. She doesn’t regret the way she handled the flub, and she apologizes for having interrupted the judges in the past. She is declared safe, and Syesha is in the bottom two. Poor Miss Mercado. She looks disheartened that after such a good performance, she still can’t buy a spot on the safe couch.

The remaining two top-sixers, Carly and Jason, are called front and center. Jason is muttering to himself nervously. There is discussion of his train wreck/wedding performance. He makes the choo-choo sign, which gets a laugh. Carly talks about her decision to have more fun from now on. Jason is … safe. And Carly joins Syesha on the silver stools.

Burke is complaining in my ear that the worst two from last night are safe. I am okay with that, because I don’t think a person should be voted off for one bad night. Do Carly and Syesha deserve to be the bottom two? No, but at this point in the competition, no one really does. Them’s just the breaks, man. Besides, Burke picked Brooke White to win right after the auditions. You’d think he’d be happy. My pick, Robbie Carrico, is long gone. Yeah, that’s right, Robbie Who?

Carly and Syesha reprise “Superstar” and “One Rock and Roll Too Many.” They aren’t quite as good as last night, but that’s certainly understandable since neither knows whether they are singing their last ditty on the Idol stage.

So who gets to perform as one of the top five next week? It will be Syesha. Carly has to say goodbye. It’s a little early for her to go, but maybe our favorite tattooed lady can ride the Idol momentum into success this time. Simon tells her she can leave with her head held high. She seems okay with the decision.

So Carly Smithson joins Christina Christian, Carmen Rasmusen, John Stevens, Constantine Maroulis, Kellie Pickler, and Phil Stacey, from Seasons 1 through 6 respectively, as American Idol 6th-place finishers.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Brooke White
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Brooke White
(Burke’s Turkey: 0 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Jason Castro
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: How did our guest commenters do? No better than the regulars this time. Dew Bew and ALBERT also wrongly predicted Brooke White’s ouster. We feel your pain, guys. We’re hardly ever right, either. ?

Neil Diamond is the mentor next week, woo-hoo! Can’t wait to see what they do. (Yes, I know most of America probably isn’t as excited as I am about that, but I don’t care.) See you then!

(aired 4/16/08)

Bunny: Is my favorite safe, Ryan? I need to know! Okay, I’ll wait. Grumble, grumble.

The group number is “One Sweet Day,” kicked off by solos from Jason and Kristy. David A. is apparently going through a leather phase. At times it sounds like they’re all singing different songs, each blissfully unaware of the others.

Before we go to last night’s recap, Ryan reminds us that there’s only one week left to vote on the Idol finale song at americanidol.com. There are 20 to choose from. I checked them out last night. Based on one listen, they all sounded like pretty typical Idol-finale fare, lots of dreaming and destiny and believing. There are a few that could be good in the right hands, or should I say, the right vocal cords.

Jason Castro is called out first. He’s starting to induce Archie-level screaming. He is asked to stand to one side of the stage. So we are doing the ridiculous “choose the top three” method for one unlucky contestant, are we? Loverly.

David Cook is told to stand on the opposite side of the stage from Jason. Carly Smithson is called up and is asked to join Jason. Then Kristy Lee Cook is sent to the Cook side. Both she and Carly have some criticism for Simon. Probably not smart. Maybe they feel they have nothing to lose. However, they are in different groups, so they are not both in the bottom three. Unless Idol is really switching it up on us this year.

The Ford commercial shows the Idols as marionettes working in an office. Some interesting subtext here.

Elliott Yamin is here—yay! He sings “Free.” He has jumped aboard the scarf train. At least it’s not a cravat. What a voice. He definitely should have won Season 5. He’s taken a cue from David C. and has written “We miss you, Mom” on his hand.

Ryan next calls Syesha Mercado. She surreptitiously sizes up the two groups. She joins Jason and Carly. Brooke White is called and, of course, is sent to the Cook group. Cook-Brooke-Cook. Little David looks lost backstage.

Now we get the call-in questions, which, as usual, I don’t feel like recapping. What strikes me most about this segment is that Paula is being attacked by her neckwear. A scarf, a necklace, and flowers?

It’s time for Mariah Carey to sing. I’ve never watched a complete Mariah performance. Does she always do that weird thing with her hands? It gives the whole number a very mechanical feel. Apologies to Miss Carey, but I think I would rather listen to Amanda Overmyer. What a coincidence—Mariah’s new CD is in stores today! How nice that it worked out that way! Gosh.

Finally, David A. is called front and center, and he shakes his head backstage, clearly in dread. Ryan declares him safe, and I’m thinking they might not make him choose. But David C. is asked to switch groups with Syesha, and then Ryan does ask David A. to choose which group is safe. Give me a break, Idol. This find-the-ball-under-the-cup game is making it hard for me to write this, and it’s only just begun!

According to unspoken idol tradition, David A. sits down in the middle of the stage, refusing to cooperate. Ryan encourages him to move over toward the safe group, David C., Carly, and Jason. Poor Archie doesn’t catch his drift, which is understandable; I’m confused, too. Ryan has to spell it out for everyone. The safe Idols sit down with Archie. Well, Carly can’t, because her skirt is almost as short as Mariah’s was.

I hate artificial suspense. Just tell us who’s out! Maybe next week, they can have them all sit in a row of chairs, and whoever doesn’t have a note taped to the bottom of their chair is going home, except, no, everybody else’s note says, if your name has an “O” in it, you’re in the bottom three and the person without a note is safe, except if you have ever worn a scarf on the show, switch places with somebody who has used glitter either on their face or body, except if you auditioned in a southern city, please go stand with someone who has played an instrument but only if it was before the top 9, and then everybody please hang from the railing here and the first one to let go is, I’m so sorry, leaving us tonight.

So Kristy Lee, Brooke, and Syesha are the bottom three. After the break, Syesha is sent back to safety. Not the result I want to see. Both Brooke and Cook have more to offer in my opinion.

In the end, saying goodbye tonight is … Kristy Lee Cook. She joins Ryan Starr, Kimberly Caldwell, Jennifer Hudson, Anwar Robinson, Ace Young, and Sanjaya Malakar, from Seasons 1 through 6, respectively, as an American Idol 7th-place finisher.

Now she can go and try to convince that guy to sell Trigger back to her. She begins her song perched on the judges’ table, singing to Simon. I think her sense of humor and attitude deserve more credit than she has been given. Happy trails to you, Kristy!

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Brooke White
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Syesha Mercado
(Burke’s Turkey: 0 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Jason Castro
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Guest commenter K: 1 out of 1
Right about Kristy Lee Cook

Bunny: For the record, the only one who predicted tonight’s results correctly is our guest commenter, K! Way to go, K! This being-wrong-all-the-time thing is no fun. Burke maintains his one-point lead on Bunny, and three-point lead on the Prognosticats.

It’s Andrew Lloyd Webber tunes next week—see you then!

(aired 4/10/08)

Bunny: After a recap of last night’s Idol Gives Back extravaganza, Ryan informs us that so far the total raised is $60 million. I guess there’s a way to go before they hit a googillion.

Then the top 8 sings “Shout to the Lord” again. I’m sure there will be lots of interesting buzz on the web about that.

After the break, we get a montage of “I’m a Believer” lip-syncing stars. I’d forgotten that they did a similar thing last year, I think with better results.

But let’s get to the results. Brooke White is called to the stage first. Ryan lets her read for herself from the card that she is safe; unfortunately/fortunately, she will not be attending her sister’s wedding on Saturday.

David “Bedhead” Cook is next. He does so much with so little. After some Ryan/Simon banter, he is pronounced safe.

David #2, the Archulator, is up. Who thinks he isn’t safe? Well, you haven’t been paying attention. Of course he is.

Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown are here to sing “No Air.” I just can’t get excited about this song. It sounds like someone’s first attempt at songwriting. I really like Jordin’s voice, though, and I expect that in a few years, as she matures, I’ll become a bigger fan. After the song, Ryan and his helpers present Jordin with awards for sales of her album and singles so far.

It’s time for the Ford commercial, “I Just Want To Celebrate,” which is very colorful.

Ryan calls Jason Castro. He admits he just bought the ukulele last week. Rainbow Man is safe.

Kristy Lee Cook comes out, looking like she’s dreading another trip to the stools. I knew it! I knew as soon as she came out that Ryan was going to tell her she was safe and the three left backstage were the bottom-dwellers.

Michael Johns, Carly Smithson, and Syesha Mercado nervously await their fate while we watch clips from the three frontrunning presidential candidates. Then Ryan asks the judges whether America got the bottom three right. Randy sucks air through his teeth, Paula is typically noncommittal, and Simon thinks America is listening to him. On to another commercial.

This time, Ryan isn’t sending one of them back to the couches, but rather recaps what each of the three sang, and then announces that Syesha … and Carly are safe. Unbelievable. Michael Johns is going home, and everyone is in shock, including Michael. Ryan’s teaser that last year during Idol Gives Back they didn’t eliminate anyone, but this year they are, is kind of mean, although I’m sure it wasn’t his idea.

Michael hasn’t even been the bottom three before. Is this voter complacency at its worst, a consequence of holding the first performance slot of the evening, or is it an accurate reflection of America’s tastes?

Those of you who dodged a bullet tonight, you’d better bring it next week! I’m talking to you, Syesha.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Syesha Mercado
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 0 out of 1
Right about Syesha Mercado
(Burke’s Turkey: 0 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Brooke White
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: We’ll see you again next week!

Bunny: As we mentioned in our last post, we’re taking a vacation from our regular commentary this week, but here are our scores. As it happens, the humans and the cats were all correct tonight.

SCORES

Bunny: 1 out of 1
Right about Ramiele Malubay
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Ramiele Malubay
(Burke’s Turkey: 0 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 1 out of 1
Right about Ramiele Malubay
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: See the Overall Standings in the left sidebar to see the updated overall scores. See you again next week!

(aired 3/26/08)

Bunny: Tonight, we find out who shares #10 placement with Ejay Day, Julia DeMato, Amy Adams, Jessica Sierra, Lisa Tucker, and Chris Sligh from Seasons 1 through 6, respectively.

Last year, there were 25,000 songs submitted for the finale song, and they chose “This Is My Now”? Maybe the selection process needs a little refinement.

Already the group number has way more energy than last week. This isn’t the most talented bunch of choreography-learners American Idol has ever seen, and some are downright klutzy up there (cough*Jason*cough) but this was the best group sing so far this year in my opinion. Maybe it was partly because they stuck to just one song. Or because Amanda is gone, one of the two.

We get a peek behind the scenes as the Idols record their studio versions for iTunes, and then come the highlights and lowlights of last night’s performances.

Like last week, the contestants are called out one by one. A nervous Chikezie is first, and for good reason: He is in the bottom 3. Brooke of the bright-blue pants is next, and she gets to sit on the bright-blue sofa of safeitude.

Carly is next, and she dispels the pregnancy rumor that was circulated widely today, explaining that her distracted attitude was thanks to wearing too many Spanx. She is sent to the couches.

After the break, we see the latest Ford music video, which is pretty cool, and far less corny than usual.

Ryan calls David Archuleta next, and he doesn’t draw out the suspense; Archie is sticking around. How about David Cook? Yes, Curly McSideburn is safe as well.

Next is Syesha Mercado, and Chikezie finally has some company over in the silver stools of mediocrity. However, Michael Johns gets the green light for next week.

Now we have the fluffy call-in segment. I think this portion of the show would be much more interesting and less anti-climactic if they didn’t show the questions right up on the screen before the caller can ask them.

Kimberley Locke is here, and we see a quick recap of her Season 2 journey on American Idol and her life since. In addition to recording two albums and successfully losing weight, she has opened a restaurant in New York. Her performance of “Fall” seems way oversung to me, but I still like her.

Next we’re reminded about Idol Gives Back, which is coming up on April 9, and what it did last year.

Ramiele Malubay is called onstage. Her fanbase has pulled her through, which is a pretty amazing feat, given her performance and placement last night.

Jason Castro and Kristy Lee Cook are the last two to find out their fate. Kristy finally gets to sit on the safe couch before she hits the silver stools. So Jason gets a wake-up call with a trip to the bottom 3, although it’s brief; he is sent to safety almost immediately.

So who’s it gonna be? Going home tonight is … Chikezie. If he could have maintained the level he achieved with “She’s A Woman,” he might not be singing himself out tonight, but a couple of poor song choices did the poor guy in. There’s nothing wrong with his voice.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Ramiele Malubay
(Bunny’s Bomb: 0 out of 1)

Burke: 1 out of 1
Right about Chikezie
(Burke’s Turkey: 0 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about David Cook
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: So Burke pulls ahead of Bunny by 1, and the Prognosticats still trail the humans. It’s Dolly Parton week next week. A prolific songwriter, her experience and bubbly personality should make her a good mentor. See you soon!

(aired 3/19/08)

Bunny: Burke is unable to join us this evening, so we’ll have to muddle through without him. (I think he simply couldn’t stomach the idea of reliving last night’s show.) The results tonight are of special importance to the contestants, because only the top ten get to be on the American Idol tour this summer.

After the introduction, the Season 7 mentors that we’ve been hearing about are revealed: Dolly Parton, Mariah Carey, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Neil Diamond. I’m particularly excited about Neil’s involvement, since he’s a personal favorite. He and I are on a first-name basis. Meaning we both have one.

Ryan also reminds us that the songwriting competition for the finale is still on. What are the chances we’ll get something more original than last year’s “This Is My Now”? Pretty good, I would think, since it’s hard to imagine it could be any worse. I guess that’s kind of harsh, coming from someone who has never written an entire song. But it really was kind of lame.

Group number time. The guys seem to be sleepwalking through the routine. So is the cameraman—it looks like he almost falls over while Kristy is singing. This whole thing is putting me to sleep. Wake me when it’s over…

What? Oh, now it’s just the recap of last night’s performances. Wake me when it’s over…

The producers have changed things up tonight. The “safe” couches (which actually look decidedly unsafe) are empty, and the contestants are called to come out from backstage one by one. Brooke White is first and, once declared safe, she is sent to the couches.

Then Carly Smithson is brought to center stage, and Ryan delivers the surprising news (at least to me) that she is in the bottom 3. She has to sit on one of the uncomfortable silver stools.

Next is David Archuleta, and he’s sent to the safe couches.

Michael Johns is up next. He is also in the top 10.

After the break, we get a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the weekly Ford commercial. I especially like David Cook’s role as the director. He is actually pretty funny.

More results. Speaking of David Cook, he’s next to hear his fate. He’s safe.

Kristy Lee Cook is called up, and she is not surprised to hear she is in the bottom 3 again.

Now for Jason Castro. He’s told to join the safe ones on the couch.

Hello, Ramiele Malubay. She also has made it into the top 10.

Now for the call-in portion of the show, which again is a complete waste of time. Wake me when it’s over…

We see a clip package of Season 5’s Kellie Pickler. Other than the fact that she’s no doubt more accustomed to seafood and its pronunciations now, she doesn’t seem to have changed much. She is here to perform “Red High Heels.” Like everything else tonight, it’s strangely lethargic, as if everything is taking place underwater. Or is it just me?

After the break, Ryan thanks us for sticking around, as if he knows it’s a challenge to stay awake long enough to find out who’s going home.

I do perk up when I see Season 5’s Elliott Yamin who, along with Season 3’s Fantasia Barrino, are featured in an update on how the money raised by Idol Gives Back is going toward the prevention of malaria in Angola. Elliott is touched by the tradition of naming newborns after someone who is visiting, and he meets his little African namesake. It’s the best part of the evening.

But we have to get back to the main reason we’re here. Syesha Mercado is called up next, and this week, she escapes the bottom 3.

The last two to find out how they’re going to be spending the next few months are Chikezie and Amanda Overmyer. Chikezie is safe, and Amanda is in the bottom 3. So she joins Kristy Lee and Carly at the bottom of the proverbial barrel. Carly should be tapping the keg, not being thrown in it. Fortunately, she is declared safe. However, she pretends to be disbelieving of her good fortune, which is not necessary and a little annoying.

So it’ll be Kristy or Amanda going home. Either would be okay, but I hope it’s Amanda. It’s true the tour would probably be more interesting with her, but it is not to be. Kristy’s barrel horse will have to wait at least one more week for her return, because she has survived the ax once more, no doubt to be tortured again next week.

SCORES

Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Chikezie
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)

Burke: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Kristy Lee Cook
(Burke’s Turkey: 1 out of 1)

Prognosticats: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Chikezie
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 0 out of 1)

Bunny: The humans are wrong—AGAIN—but we are consoled by the fact that our personal least favorite performer is the one who got cut. The Cats have not improved their prediction skills either. The score is 4 out of 14 for Burke and Bunny, and 2 out of 14 for Big Z and Little Z. Thanks for joining us. Remember to bookmark this page or subscribe to our RSS feed so you can visit us again!