(Aired 5/20/09)
Almost 100 million votes came in last night; that's 624 million votes over the course of the season. For-Me-For-You Jackson is wearing a velvet red bowtie. Next to him is Sweetie-Honey DioGuardi. Paula Vocabdulary and Simon Cowell the deaf guy are, of course, the other two judges.
Kris Allen and Adam Lambert, our two finalists, are dressed in white. Their microphones don't seem to be on. Oh no, Mikalah Gordon is live reporting again, this year from Conway, Arkansas, Kris' stomping grounds. Carly Smithson is in San Diego, Adam's hometown.
So who will it be?
The other 11 finalists this season are doing a group number to the song “So What” by Pink. They too are all in white. It's kind of weird to see people like Jorge Nunez and Jasmine Murray singing because we hardly got to know them.
After the break, WOOHOO, IT'S DAVID COOK!!! I long for Season 7. I enjoyed it so much more than this year. I know, I know, no one's forcing me to watch it. Anyway, he sings “Permanent,” one of the songs from his CD. He sounds great. Remember when people were calling Adam “Cookalike” at the beginning of the season? Now it's abundantly clear that other than the 'do similarities, they are very, very different.
All the proceeds from the sale of David's performance tonight on iTunes will go towards curing cancer, which recently took David's brother's life.
GOLDEN IDOL AWARDS
(Otherwise known as “extraneous fluff which is the reason they can't keep this show under 2 hours.”)
The Golden Idol awards are up next, during which we are once again treated to a spate of horrible auditions. Norman/Normund Gentle is one of the nominees for “Outstanding Male,” and he wins. So we're treated to one last performance by the nut. When he's done, the camera cuts to Ryan, in aviator glasses and a headband. That has to be the funniest sight I've seen all season. I'm not kidding, that was hysterical.
Next Lil Rounds sings with Queen Latifah, and after the break Anoop Desai and Alexis Grace sing “I'm Yours” with Jason Mraz. Partway through, they are joined by the rest of the Idols. Love that song.
They play a film of Kris Allen's Idol journey. He really seems nonplussed by all the fuss. Then he sings “Kiss a Girl” with Keith Urban. Love Keith Urban. Kris doesn't seem like a newbie in the presence of a veteran; he fits right in like he's been a star for years.
So far, I'm enjoying the show, even though 2 hours and 7 minutes is an excessive amount of time just to say, “---- is the American Idol!”
Another commercial break, and then the Season 8 women sing “Glamorous” before introducing Fergie herself, who does “Big Girls Don't Cry.” Then the Black-Eyed Peas do a song I have never heard before and I don't feel like looking it up. I don't care how uncool that makes me.
GOLDEN IDOL AWARD #2
Now the nominees for “Best Attitude.” This of course includes Bikini Girl, Alexis Cohen, and some other caterwauling female. BG wins and predictably shows up wearing as little as she can get away with on a family show. Then she gets another chance at “Vision of Love.” She seems to be taken by surprise when Kara comes out to sing along with her. Or rather, totally outsing her, as she did during the audition. The kicker at the end? Kara rips open her dress to reveal a bikini body of her own. BG looks TICKED, which makes my day, even though the whole thing was probably rehearsed.
Allison Iraheta performs “Time After Time” with Cyndi Lauper, who is playing some instrument I don't know the name of. They sound pretty good together. Allison, like Kris, is completely at ease and definitely belongs up there with any caliber of artist.
Ryan briefly interviews the Allens and the Lamberts in the audience and then Danny Gokey sings Lionel Richie's “Hello.” I think it's his best performance all season. Lionel himself comes out and sings “Just Go” and “Dancing on the Ceiling” with Danny. Love Lionel. I don't care how uncool that makes me either.
You know, I hear a lot of people complaining about the 2+ hour results show. And I have to admit I'm one of them. But it really is a great opportunity to see all the Idols again along with some of the top artists of the last 50 years or so.
They play a film of Adam's Idol journey next. He's singing “Beth” in an outfit that only he could wear. He's also glitterized and mascarafied. KISS takes the stage. These guys are 60 years old! (The original band members, at least; I don't know about the replacements.) Fortunately the makeup covers the wrinkles. They're doing “Detroit Rock City” and “Rock and Roll All Night.” Get a load of those platform boots on Adam.
Carlos Santana is up next playing “Black Magic Woman" and "Smooth" and the Idols do the vocals.
The final Ford music video is "I Will Remember You,” which is actually a montage of the previous videos. Then David Cook surprises Kris and Adam with keys to their brand new matching Ford Fusion Hybrids.
Megan Joy and Michael Sarver join Steve Martin, who's playing the banjo to a song he wrote called “Pretty Flowers.” Very sweet song. Megan and Michael were Burke and Bunny's picks to win. Funny how that worked out.
After another break, the male Idols, wearing black suits and ties, sing “Do Ya Think I'm Sexy.” Not hard to guess who's coming up next: Rod Stewart, in a plaid jacket louder than the one Randy wore last night. He performs “Maggie May,” a song he's been singing for almost 40 years. Hey, Bo Bice is in the audience; haven't seen him in a while. And camera guy? More Carrie Underwood, less Janice Dickinson, please.
LAST GOLDEN IDOL AWARD
Last one is for “Outstanding Female.” I don't remember any of the nominees except, of course, Tatiana Del Toro. And I was trying so very hard to forget. But she wins, and then she eludes security guards who are trying to prevent access to the stage because Ryan insists it's time for a commercial break. She launches into “Saving All My Love For You” without band accompaniment while the guards chase her around. Staged drama, much? Well, that's how we know her.
Now Adam and Kris sing “We Are The Champions” with Queen. Is this the producers' way of hinting that Adam has won? Well, I suppose they would have had to rehearse this before last night when the votes came in. Cut to commercial.
Are we finally going to hear the results? Maybe. First the guy who certifies the results are accurate brings the envelope to Ryan. Would he be as credible if he had a southern drawl rather than a British accent? I doubt it.
The Season 8 American Idol is ... KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!
I am speechless! (Yes, I know that's what some of you wanted.) Today as I heard predictions from people I know as well as comments on the Internet, it started to sink in that he COULD win. But I still never thought he WOULD. He is still modest and humble, those qualities that are so annoying to Simon, and can hardly believe it himself. Adam is genuinely happy for him. That is probably the biggest thing I appreciate about Adam. He doesn't begrudge others' success or limelight.
So Adam Lambert joins Justin Guarini, Clay Aiken, Diana DeGarmo, Bo Bice, Katharine McPhee, Blake Lewis, and David Archuleta as a 2nd-place finisher. Pretty good company, I'd say. And we all know he will do just fine, thank you very much.
SCORES
Bunny: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Adam Lambert
(Bunny’s Bomb: 1 out of 1)
Burke: 0 out of 1
Wrong about Adam Lambert
(Burke’s Turkey: 0 out of 1)
Prognosticats: 1 out of 1
Right about Kris Allen
(Prognosticats’ Hairball: 1 out of 1)
FINAL SEASON 8 SCORES
So what does our second year show in regard to the cats vs. humans experiment? The final tally reveals that Burke is once again the winner here at Predict Idol, correctly predicting who would go home 17 out of 24 times, for a whopping 71% average (up from 48% last year). Bunny comes in second at 11 out of 24 for 46% (up from 30%). The Prognosticats are last again with only 6 out of 24 for 25% (but also improved, up from 22%). All we can ask is progress, right?
On the other hand, our personal American Idol predictions (those we thought should have gone home) were mostly worse. (The total is lower than last year because of the way they did eliminations this year.) Burke's Turkeys were 3 out of 8 for 38% (down from 48%), Bunny's Bombs were 4 out of 8 for 50% (up from 48%), and the Prognosticats' Hairballs finished in last place with only 2 out of 8 for 25% (down from 26%). Sorry, cats. That's a litterbox-level showing.
We enjoyed the Idol ride with our readers this year. Stay tuned ... January's not THAT far away! Be sure to visit our American Idol store for all your Idol memorabilia or check out the items below!
