(aired 1/13/09)
Bunny: After 8 long months, American Idol Season 8 has finally begun! Are you ready? Burke and Bunny and the Prognosticates are. Well, actually Zinni is snoozing on the rice pillow I use to warm my feet. Zoey has disappeared in search of tuna. But they’re really into it. I can tell.
Day 1
It’s 106 degrees in Phoenix, the first of 8 cities this year. We are introduced to new judge Kara DioGuardi, who introduces a gender balance behind the table.
Somebody’s tap-dancing Chia pet has gotten loose and found its way into the audition room. Oh, it’s Tuan Nguyen. Unfortunately for him, Hollywood doesn’t need Chia pets. And he’s never going to dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm…
Emily Wynne-Hughes is up next. We missed her backstory because the TV station suddenly cut to commercial for some reason. She is a cross between Nikki McKibbin and Carly Smithson, based on bodily adornment, that is. She is leaving her band’s tour to audition, but it’s okay because she has 4 yeses.
And now, in an audition that would tug at the heartstrings of even the most hardened criminal—not really—Randy Madden, a weepy “rocker,” gives us his rendition of “Livin’ on a Prayer.” He has a strange Michael Scott complex and just wants to be told he’s great. Randy, you’re great. Now get out. Emily’s band needs a lead, see if you can get that gig.
J. B. Ahfua, 16, is next. That was nicely done, and the voting is unanimous. He’s off to Hollywood.
Perpetually scared guy, Michael Gurr, does his best, but it’s hard to sing with your heart in your throat, I guess. Randy’s hiding behind his papers, never a good sign. Michael sings a Kara DioGuardi song next, which horrifies her. Bye, Michael. He collapses outside the door in fear? Shame? Embarrassment? To extend his 15 minutes of fame as long as possible?
Will Kunick, D.J. Bradley, and Shawn Fasquez are shown murdering Tears for Fears, Celine Dion, and Dionne Warwick, respectively. It’s a bloody scene.
Aundre Caraway, aka “X-ray,” took his happy pills this morning. Lots of them. Lots and lots. He’s entertaining, but only in the this-is-getting-old-quick category. He should probably hire himself out for kids’ parties. His Radiographic Happiness is finally escorted out by security.
Our next 16-year-old, Arianna Afsar, is cute as a button. Arianna formed a teen group that befriends senior citizens. In all seriousness, this is a good thing. So is her singing. She gets yeses all around.
There are 9 others from day 1 in Phoenix who get golden tickets.
Day 2
The first auditioner we meet on day 2 is Elijah Scarlett. He has the lowest speaking voice I’ve ever heard. He sounds like he swallowed James Earl Jones with a cold. The singing is … not good. It’s a no.
Kara’s biggest fan, Lea Marie Golde (think Diana DeGarmo but even MORE giggly), has brought her songwriting book to show Kara. It’s impressive that she has written over 100 songs by age 16, but unfortunately she is not quite ready for the big time. Maybe in a few years. Even her Pepto-Bismol-colored cowboy hat can’t get her through.
Stevie Wright is next; she is also 16. Her voice reminds me a little of Kelly Clarkson. She sings “At Last” by Etta James. Wow. She is through to the next round.
One of this year’s most unlikely Idol auditioners is Michael Sarver, an oil rig worker. His job is nearly as dangerous as singing in front of Simon Cowell. Fortunately for him, he’s good, very bluesy. He gets all yeses.
The low point of the evening comes in the form of “Bikini Girl” Katrina Darrell, the most scantily clothed contestant in recent memory. After flirting inappropriately with Ryan, she sings a Mariah Carey song badly, and then argues inappropriately with Kara. Simon and Randy put her through, ignoring Paula’s and Kara’s protests. (What a shocker.) Of course, she will flame out spectacularly in Hollywood, but until then she will stick around to provide Fox with “good TV.” Blech.
The pronunciation of Kara’s name is discussed next. Is it Care-a or Car-ra? It is Care-a. Simon claims he is unable to say it that way. Whatever.
Eric Thomas tells everyone his self-proclaimed nickname by means of a huge, misspelled tattoo on his back: Sexual Chacolate. He is singing a Stevie Wander song. He is not going to Hallywood. Thank Gad.
Next we hear from Brianna Quijada, who sings two songs. She’s not terrible but not great. She makes it through despite a 2-2 split, Simon and Paula being her benefactors.
Deanna Brown is a rather charming girl, who has one of the night’s best lines: “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity ... unless you try out every year.” Her version of “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay” is excellent. She has a unique husky voice with a killer vibrato. She’s part Amanda Overmyer but not as angry, part Kellie Pickler but not as ditzy. Next stop Hollywood.
Wearing a Danny Noriega costume, Cody Sheldon sings next. He makes amateur horror films, and I’m thinking this audition is just another one. But he makes it through.
Alex Wagner-Trugman is up next with a fun story about singing in a closet late at night, in there with the mold, yadda yadda, and asks Randy to sing along with the chorus. I am surprised he gets through, but Simon was the lone dissenter. I don’t think he’ll go very far, but at least he didn’t miss his Spanish test for nothing.
After a montage of Bon Jovi’s "Wanted Dead or Alive” by a plethora of unnamed contestants, we get to the last audition. Scott Mcintyre was born almost completely blind and has only 2 degrees of tunnel vision. He skis, dances, and plays the piano even though he can see only one key at a time. He sings “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel. Nice work. He doesn’t hit it out of the park, but he will go to the next round.
In all, 27 tickets are given out in Phoenix. Most of them get soggy when the pool jumping begins.
PREDICTIONS
As we did last year, during the initial auditions we’re just going to give our thoughts on those with the most potential, given the limited information we have so far.
Bunny: I thought Deanna Brown and Stevie Wright were pretty good.
Burke: The only ones that stick out in my mind are Michael Sarver and Deanna Brown.
Prognosticats: Big Z and Little Z are going with Brianna Quijada and J.B. Ahfua.
See you tomorrow for Kansas City!
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